Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Well friends I'm back. I hope you all had some wonderful holidays and a blessed new years! I'm failing horribly at this blogging thing but I think you all can understand a bit that when your soldier comes home from a year and a half of long distance it's a huge thing to adjust to. (More on that later! As an FYI, I'm currently living with Chad at his mom and step dad's house) Plus throwing all the holiday craziness into that mix just makes for some serious lost time on blogging. For that I apologize! I really want to get back into this and make my blog grow though. (Suggestions? Ideas?)  I read through blogs all the time and I'm so interested in everyone else's blogs and I so badly want to get mine to where I see all these other fabulous blogs at but sometimes I get a little lost and loose the motivation. I don't have a wonderfully interesting life, I don't have the most creative writings, I don't have any children to post adorable pictures of, I'm not planning a wedding, I'm not a crazy party girl... I'm just a plain Jane. BUT, I really want to try. Everyone needs a good hobby! Plus if all goes well this year should bring some changes that I'd like to document. Without further-ado, I bring you ...

14 Goals for 2013!

One for goodluck ;)

1. Find a good, reliable job! I need to put some serious effort into finding a decent job that I can count on. While I love serving and the money I bring home there is no way I can survive on not knowing how much to expect every week! Sometimes I make awesome money and sometimes I walk away with $19. Let's be serious... No one can live on $19! I need something I can count on. (And to be quite honest, I miss my retail management job so much lately)

2. Save Save Save! Along with finding a job I can count on, I need to save! Chad and I have made a goal to get our own place at the end of this first semester. So that gives us about 5 months from now to save up for our first place together. We have barely any furniture and really no essential needs for a home of our own plus I'd like to have a couple months of rent saved up. It also never hurts to have a fat savings account $$

3. Let the little things go. I need to put less worry, stress and thought in to things that really aren't that big of a deal. I need to learn to let things go! It's okay to move on and somethings just aren't worth it!

4. Learn to budget!  Budgeting will give me a better sense of what I have and what I can spend. It will also help us immensely when we are on our own. Right now I will admit... We are pretty carefree aside from $1,000 worth of bills every month between the two of us. Plus gas and food expenses. So learning to make a budget and stick to it will really help us to plan and save. I don't want to be living on our own and fall into a rut because we don't know how to budget and save! I really want to be prepared.

5. Do well in school. I don't want to say all A's because I know myself too well and I know that school just has never been my forte. I've never been a straight A student and that's okay! I've accepted it. But I will shoot for A's and B's this semester. I also want to put effort into it.

6. Be Positive! I will admit, that I tend to have a very negative way of thinking. I personally cannot stand it. It drives me absolutely insane so I can only imagine what others around me must be thinking. No one likes a negative Nancy. I want to be able to find the good in everything. I want to look at the positive side of things. I need to make this happen to better myself and my life!

7. Visit my grandmother's grave at least twice this year. I'll admit, I haven't visited since her ashes were buried there. My grandmother was and still is a huge part of me and it kills me to think that I haven't visited. In my defense, it is over an hour away, practically in the middle of no where and it never used to be in the direction I would ever travel. But now that my mother has moved to Maryland it IS an easy stop off. So I'd like to make this happen at least twice, if not more.

8. Spend less time on my iPhone. I know that everyone does it. And I know that it's so natural now a days. But I seriously need to be less dependent on my phone. When I'm bored, I scroll through social networking or play games. This needs to STOP. Sometimes I'll be sitting with family or friends and instead of enjoying my time around them I'm scrolling through my phone. Let's face it there's nothing even that interesting on facebook or instagram! Chad is pretty guilty of this too. A lot more than I am actually. He's included in accomplishing this goal as well.. he just doesn't know it yet.

9. Get Help. I'm gonna get real serious for a minutes..I will tell you right now, I have some serious anxiety issues (along with some depression I suspect.) This is actually a huge part of what stops me from doing serious job pursuing. I have so much anxiety over new things and new jobs is a HUGE part of it. Just thinking about it gets me really nervous. But I cannot and will not let this affect me and keep me from doing new things for my whole life. I don't want to be medicated for these issues, I just want to learn how to cope and how to have more control. I started to see a counselor in September but she was really strange, didn't seem interested in anything I was saying and just didn't make me feel comfortable at all. She was more worried about the rain coming in her bathroom window then talking to me in a paid session. So that scared me off of finding a new counselor. I've been wronged so many times in the past that I have closed myself off to pretty much everyone except for a select few so feeling comfortable in talking to someone is extremely important to me.

10. Make better food choices! I have a pretty decent eating habit. I'm not a HUGE snacker and I'd choose water over soda any day. But sometimes I fall into this slump and will just basically eat my feelings in any food I can get my hands on. (Normally around that time of the month) Which tends to be brownies and ice cream... my weaknesses! I just want to choose the more healthy option and drink less soda or cut it out completely. I tend to drink soda at work because it's there and I can but I really need to knock that off!! I gave up soda for a year once and didn't even miss it so I know that I can live without it! It's really not even that great!

11. Be more mindful of the people you're helping. I have a huge heart and I seriously LOVE to give and love to help people even when I don't have the necessary means to be helping. It's okay to help... and I'm going to continue doing so. But sometimes I find myself helping and giving to the wrong people. People who don't appreciate a thing that I do and who continually use me and wrong me even when I give and put in so much effort. I just need to be more mindful and careful. But I'm going to continue to give and help the people who truly deserve it.

12. Have more confidence in myself. Your mistakes do not define you. Everything that has happened in the past has already happened and cannot be changed. It has shaped me into the person I am today. But I need to let it go and not let it have such an ill effect on my self confidence. I need to love myself for who I am and what I have accomplished. Not what I didn't quite finish or accomplish.

13. Get fit. this is a pretty generic "New Years Resolution" but it seriously needs to happen. It will help me achieve other goals already listed as well. I tend to start working out and loose the motivation when I don't notice any serious body changes. It can't be like this. It takes longer than a couple weeks to see a difference and it's going to take months until others notice it. KEEP GOING. DON'T GIVE UP.

14. BE A BETTER BLOGGER. this is self explanatory! YOU CAN DO IT.

Friday's letters!

Dear tonight's shift: PLEASE go fast! I just want to make money, make time fly, get home, crawl into bed and get ready to reunite with my handsome man!Dear hurricane sandywas that really necessary? I mean people are FIGHTING over GAS! You caused so much more bullshit then you even know. Dear grumpy people without power there is NOT ONE SINGLE REASON for you to take out your grumpiness on the girl who's serving you a hot meal. I realize not having power is frustrating. But be thankful that you have the opportunity to come to Chili's and get a hot meal. And be thankful I came to work to serve you. Because i don't think you get it... YOU ARE NOT the only people without power! And there are people out there STILL stranded and are left with NOTHING. So man it the fuck up! Things could always be worse. Dear Soldier boyfriend YOU COME HOME TOMORROW!!!!!! Less than 24 hours and I am back where I belong in those warm arms of yours. I love you and I can't wait to jump on you in the airport ;) Dear God I just want to take a minute to say how completely and utterly thankful I for everything I have in my life. Thankful that I still have a home and I have power and warmth. And that all my family members were mildly affected by sandy. Please be with all the people who are not okay, left with nothing and feel as if this is the end of their lives. They need you more than ever. My prayers go out to them. dear blog friends I need to get better at this blogging thing. I'm sorry and I'll get on that ASAP :)

We are getting a hurricane

Well if you don't live under a rock I'm sure you are already very aware that the northeast is expecting a hurricane. Unfortunately, I live in north east PA so they are saying we will be getting a pretty bad part of this. Usually, I wouldn't care too much but if you've been keeping track you may know that this coming Saturday I am reuniting with my handsome soldier and love of my life!!!! So "Sandy", with that being said you better get this over with already and don't do too much damage! If you even try to ruin this LONG LONG LONG awaited weekend I will be highlyyyyy pissed off. And trust me you don't want that! Sincerely, a patiently waiting soldier's girlfriend! Also, anyone being affected by this dreadful weather...Stay safe!!!

What's the Rush?

 Seriously though people... What is the rush? I mean last time I checked I'm only 21 years old. I haven't graduated from college, I don't own a home, I'm certainly not stable enough on my own, So why should I be getting married or having babies anytime soon?
I have nothing against married people. I'm not even against marriage. (Though, I will admit I am scared with those divorce statistics) But WHY are people getting married at such young ages. ESPECIALLY before they're 21. Like... Bro you can't even legally drink at your own wedding. Let's make a toast with some sparkling grape juice?

Chad and I were discussing this earlier today and it inspired me to write a blog about it.
His stance is basically... Why is there such a rush and pressure on a guy to purpose? Women are constantly wanting to put a label on things and there's a lot of girls out there who push for marriage and it shouldn't be that way. There should be talk about marriage so that everyone is on the same page relationship wise but it shouldn't be all about "When we getting married? huh? huh? Is it time yet? Can we go look at rings? huh? huh?".

My stance is....I will gladly admit that at a couple points and times in my life I have waved back and forth between wanting marriage and not wanting marriage. When I was surrounded by people who were talking about getting married, getting engaged, or planning a wedding I was definitely like "Awwww, I wanna get married and have a beautiful wedding too!" but that's the same thing as baby fever. You see the most adorable little baby that's coo-ing and smiling at you and melting your heart and you're like "Ohhhhh! I want one" But then I'd remember what it was like to work in a day care how babies are NOT always like that and how young I am and how much I love not having to be tied down. I will also tell you that I have a board on pinterest on all these cute wedding ideas. But I also have a pink Camaro pinned on there and I can't see that happening anytime soon. So yes, while the thought of a wedding and walking down the aisle to see my handsome man waiting for me in a tux and his face light up as make my way towards him, arm and arm with my dad, ready to give me away- crosses my mind and excites me I also know that there is NO need to rush what I have.

In my opinion, I feel that there is a lot of pressure on women to get married. I feel that there are a lot of girls surrounded by other girls who are getting married/having babies and feel that that's what they are supposed to want as well. I mean, Most girls are brought up to want the "American Dream". Careers, Marriage, Families and beautiful houses. But just because you get married or have a kid with someone doesn't mean that everything else is just going to fall into place. You have got to work for what you want. No one is just going to be like oh you want a degree? A Job? and a perfect marriage? and A house and a perfect family? Okay hold on let me get that for you..... Hell no people! Hell No. You have to work for it. Now who's to say you can't be married, have children and still work towards that "American Dream"? No one. Just because you do it out of order doesn't mean that it's wrong. There's no "right way" to do life. That's not my point here at all. So get that straight and unbunch those panties ! The point is simply... what is the rush? There isn't one. So, if you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person and you know in your heart of hearts that this person is "the one" why, one year into the relationship is THAT the "right" time to get married? And why do some girls even go as far as saying "If we don't get married then we're over" or "If you don't get me that ring right fucking now we're over!" WHY GIRLS? WHY!? So let me get this straight.... You love him so much that you want to marry him... but if he's not ready you don't love him? You wouldn't wait for him to be ready? Guys that goes for you too... If your girl isn't ready when you are does that mean you're going to leave? I mean if you've been dating for years and years and they still aren't ready? Okay I get it. But then talk. Have a conversation... COMMUNICATE. That's seriously the most important part of a relationship along with trust and honesty. 

If your man/woman is ready to marry you 2 weeks into your relationship that's all good and well. But if he's so sure you're "the one" 2 weeks into it do you REALLY think you were the first one he felt this way about? Doubtful. Honestly that's scary. Actually as a side note, one time I started talking to this guy and 2 DAYS into us TALKING... Not dating, not seeing each other, literally just met 2 days ago and he's saying "If we get married" UM WHAT!? Let's just say i stopped talking to him prettttttty fast. Two weeks is NOT enough time to truly know someone. I'm almost 16 months into being in a relationship and there's still times where I'm like "hmm never knew that about him". You learn new things every day about your partner. And I truly feel that you should definitely live with your significant other before getting married. EVERYTHING changes when you spend CONSTANT time with another being. And that's not just for boyfriend/girlfriends...Friends and Family included! 

So for all the girls or guys out there wondering why their men won't pop the question, or wondering why your girl is not ready IT'S OKAY. Give it time. What's meant to be, WILL BE. But just because you're NOT talking about a near wedding and you're NOT getting that ring in the next couple of months DOESN'T mean your relationship is pointless or not going anywhere. If things are good, if you've discussed marriage, if you've been together for some time, if you live together, WHY RUSH A GOOD THING? Wouldn't you rather he/she be ready to do it ON THEIR OWN TIME? How would you feel if he purposed and later on it failed because you found out that he/she just wasn't ready and felt rushed? That WILL ruin it in the end. I promise it will. Enjoy the way things are right now.

~Disclaimer~

Let me start off by saying that I realize this may offend some people, some people may feel butthurt, whatever. Let me remind you this is my opinion and my opinion alone. I'm not writing this post to bash anyone or make anyone feel as if they made a mistake, should have waited etc. If you are married? Good for you and I wish you all the best. I'm writing this for the people who felt like I did at some points. For the girls who are upset that their men aren't ready for marriage. Because it took me some time to realize this but IT IS OKAY and there is no rush.

To quit or not to quit?

That moment when you have to choose between your job and your happiness...

Looks like a telemarketer too

I quit my telemarketing job and honestly? It was the best decision I've ever made. I only stayed so long because I was making money. But I'm back to serving at Chili's and in the past week (I only worked 3 nights) I made almost $400. I'm so much happier not working the telemarketing job. It's not for everyone. And let me tell you, it certainly is NOT for me. When my manager booked an old man who told me he has "millions" and didn't even know what I was talking about and I had to repeat myself 100x for one specific thing I knew this wasn't right. So I put the old man on mute and gave the phone to my manager and told her that he would book but I didn't think it was right to book him because he clearly didn't know what was going on. SHE BOOKED HIM. Robbed him of his money in my opinion. Then got off the phone and made me feel like a piece of shit because I didn't book him. I knew right then and there that I didn't belong there. Because I have a heart and a conscious. And when it came down to it? I'd have it no other way. I put my two weeks in the next morning. Turns out that when the confirmations department called to confirm his booking, the son of the old man answered and he told the girl confirming that his father has diagnosed Alzheimer's and has $9,000 to his name and is 90 years old and that he felt that us booking him was wrong. I agree and I KNEW IT. My gut feeling, that booking this old man was wrong, was exactly right.

Staying in a job that only brings you so far down that you dread waking up and going to work every single day is only going to make your life THAT much harder and that much more depressing. I'm so happy with serving. It's so satisfying to walk out of there after 9 hours of constant running around and getting so overwhelmed from time to time with your hard earned $200 in hand. I make conversations with tables, I'm personable, talkative, fun, energetic... it's all around just such a better environment. I also basically work alone. I mean it's supposed to be team work but the only person I go out of my way to help is my assigned "section partner" and I honestly like it a lot better that way. Don't get me wrong I'm a team player and I help anyone who needs it but only a select few really go out of their ways to help. There's a couple of caddy and nasty girls that I work with but I stay far away and just do what I have to do to make it through the day and that's it! I'm not there to make friends I'm there to make money and that's exactly what I do.

Let me just add - Less than 3 weeks from today and my handsome man is home. I just cannot wait to wrap my arms around him. I'm so in love and so happy to start the next chapter of this relationship. Everything feels so positive right now and I just hope it continues on this path.

Happy 6th Birthday Mackenzie!

Today my baby sister, Mackenzie, turns 6 years old. I seriously cannot even believe that 6 whole years ago today my mom was waking my sister Janine and I up saying that she was in labor. And then, just 3 short hours later Mackenzie Rose was born into this world. Little did I know just how much this little girl would change my life.

Not a lot of siblings remember the growing up of their younger sister or brother. I'm just lucky enough to have a baby sister who's 16 years younger than I am and a baby brother who's 13 years younger than I am. I watched them both grow from babies and the best part? I remember all of it. As they grew up I played babysitter a lot of the time. I spent A LOT of time at home taking care of them. This is why I always call them "my babies". Looking back I can't even fathom that it has been 6 (and 8 for AJ) years since she entered my life and changed it forever. She makes bad days good and always puts a smile on my face. Moving away from her and then her moving away from me is honestly one of the hardest things I've had to do. I felt and still have this huge guilt that I'm not there to take care of her everyday. Because THAT'S how used to it I am. She's like my best little buddy. I can't wait to continue to watch her grow and help her learn and mature.

Mackenzie Rose, I love you so much and I am so incredibly sorry I can't be there with you today on your birthday. But I promise I will make it up to you. Have a wonderful, joyous birthday beautiful little girl. Don't you ever forget how beautiful and amazing you are.

&Now I leave you with a picture overload of my baby sister.

I can't even believe that the once little bald baby was my Macky. Ohhh how time flies.

Wishing for November

Well hello there October. Nice of you to show yourself. Now if you could please move along. I'd really like to see November. Not only is Chad coming home for good in November but it is also my birthday month AND I'll be taking my handsome, hardworking soldier to see a NFL game 3 days before my birthday. (Not even his birthday and this man is getting the royal treatment! hah just kidding he deserves it !) So because I'm in such a November mind set I've decided to make a wishlist. Which really means this is what I'll be buying myself eventually because I always tell people I don't want anything.

 I am so tired of feeling out of place and like I'm living in "limbo" not really having a permanent home. I really honestly would be so content with a home for my birthday. Like...my own / mine & Chad's. Where we could finally live with our puppy together... *sigh*

 Boots! I'm seriously obsessed. I don't think I could ever have enough boots... or shoes in general actually. &Leg warmers to make a cute combo like this? Of course!

I seriously want a Keurig so bad. But I wouldn't mind waiting until I had my own place. But this is a serious want in my life. I'm obsessed. And I drink enough coffee where this would pay off in my life for sure. I already sorta mentioned wanting one to my mom to which she said something about my birthday... not sure what she's gonna do about it but I would be ecstatic.

CLOTHES. 

Seriously. It's been a long time since I've gone serious shopping for myself and I'm beginning to notice a lot of my clothes are either A. Stolen from my sister. or B. A couple years old and getting worn out. I just need a fresh wardrobe so bad. So I guess I just want to go shopping cuz I'm like the pickiest person when it comes to clothes AND I'm a serious shopper. I don't just buy a shit load of things and call it a day. I have to actually look around and try things on. I'm just using this picture to represent what I want but it is a cute outfit.

 The Victoria's Secret NFL line is adorable.Way overpriced in my opinion, but adorable.

My Vera Bradley wristlet is looking pretty banged up lately. I actually got it a year ago for my 21st birthday so I guess it's about time. I'm loving this one. Little different from the one I have now.

But In all Honesty...

He's all I want.

And I'm lucky enough to be getting him back and for good this time 11 days before my birthday.

He's got the instructions for my actual birthday let's hope he puts some creativity into it ;D